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I need to start gaining awareness of what's
purely wasting my time and effort

21 years old now, I don't have much left

needy

ok I tend to be needy and feel insecure when
I feel for someone, and here is a thing I found
that could maybe help me out, its one for girls
but i guess it works the way for guys as well

http://www.wikihow.com/Avoid-Being-an-Obsessive-Girlfriend

and these are something points really
have me think :

Take time for yourself.
Visit friends, family, take a class, anything you find interesting or would like to learn

Encourage them to have their space !!

You should have other parts of your life going on as well
Get a life, Enjoy life doesn't mean to spend 24 hours with your partner

Relationships are built on feelings for the other person, and love comes only from loving
are you wanting to make the other person feel and in turn,
show you feelings they might not have, think about
What is it really that attracts you to this person?
Feeling was not simply create by saying I love you and I care about you ...
then HOW ?


you should really just follow your heart
and let things flow by natural
you can not force it to happen


and Communicate !! to let each other know how they feel

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stop and think you dickhead

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im so tired today ...
I was thinking about ...
we should make a lot of different
because its just good to know people
and we can not be alone, then we learn
a lot of different things from different
sort of people as well, its just cool

i am sorry to say those words eariler
i don't think i can leave you behind

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I should really have a blog every day
cause I always have lots of thoughts
everyday that I would be quickly forget
the next morning, and it's just a shame
not to pen them down : )

but i cant remember much now damit
ah right one thing was you can do whatever
you want but you gotta give it a shot
and do not be lonely because you don't
wanna be left with those achievements
but no one to share with, that sucks a lot


- meet people, new people, interesting people
different types of people, it helps you to think
outside of the box and to get to see different
point of views, or different ways of life could be
Learn from others

- life imitates bad tv shows and drama shit

- we can make full of excuses for stoppign us
doing one thing, or we can find any kind of ways
to get there, you only live once, i don't understand
all those ideas about how life could process. tons of
bullshits and stupid format, its just fucking small-minded
and narrow-minded, people seem to think about
themself way too much

and i have to say im sick of the game you're playing
and i see no point being compassionate to this
im just taking a lot of craps from you
and i stop taking them from now

-

cool people in fact work really really really really hard
toward where they're getting . . .
they make it happen rather wishing
they aren't any kind of slackass . . .

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I thought i'd type this down rather than later
I was thinking that this morning how you deal
with the depression and stress

1. is to go and do
some fun stuffs, make something move on or
happen which you're worried about, it sounds
pretty vague in term of practice, but it could
be somewhere you start with to think from

2. is to think about longer and bigger prospect
of life or goals, and what you're going through
now could be all just a process toward where
you're getting, but by all means life as a whole
is a long period progression with no stop, it
seems like

I was out speaking with Dom
then I how realized how he's
trying so hard to keep up with everything
I don't know, in comparison to those time
that I don't really get onto anything, there
are people act a lot more active than me

i meant i do stuffs,
but not enough i feel

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I gotta say that last night and probably the whole day
I just felt really really depressed and kind of emotionally sick
I didn't know why but on all the way to karate from school
I kept swearing and cursing everything around me ....

I probably was way too tired from the sleep over
at Hungry Jack the night before... I missed the train
cause waiting for Sarach, the Swedish singer to come
out... then I took the wrong one, so I had to run all the
way back from a place I think closed to North Melbourne
it took me one hour of walking and running...

In hope of a slight chance to catch the train back
to Caulfield so I can at least walk from there to my
house, but luckily the last one was far gone about 30
mins ago. I didn't have enough cash nor the card with
me that night, what a bummer .... I had to stay at a 24 hrs
fast food shop for the whole night...

I got home about 5 am then had 2 hours sleep
heading out again to the Victoria market to catch
up with my sister, I went because I do need some
cheap vegetable, and whatsoever is over there ...

anyway, I wanted to but I didn't talk to perry
at all last night at karate, then I pretty much talked
to everyone else in the same "I am so annoyed and sick"
kind of manner, I didn't know why ...then I got more
depressed again wondering why my social skill still
sucks so much even I've tried to work on it for so
long, man I pretty much just went all the way down
and wish I could scream out "fuck you motherfucker"
loud last night, it was bad and ugly...

does everyone all has one of thoes days once in a
while or I am mentally unstable...? I felt alone last
night and couldn't really be bothered to do anything
so I just went to sleep straight away ...

I want to be brutally honest, I want show compassion
to other people, I want to be able to take someone's
aspect of view while I am speaking, I want to know
how people are doing with their life, and all the many
other things, but Why it is so hard at times
I just cant help but wonder, I might not just take
myself seriously enough, I am not working hard
enough to reach it

as I wanted to type it down before, I need to know
what my emotion is, and try to study it, why am I
depressed and how has that affected on me .....
it is important and the reason being would be
while being depressed I often close myself to
connection, lose sense of humour, practice
things efficiently, and lose interest in others
pretty much totally ...

... and I do not want that
I hate to lose a converstation just fucking
because I was down and didn't want to talk
/people might be saying it is ok if you don't
want to talk then just don't talk ... but I
am more like I want to but I am too fucked
to talk to someone ...

everyone seems to have problem with some
aspects of their life, and this is mine
I just feel if I don't move on I will be
stuck in the same place forever

the other thing is I wanted to write
down was that I was thinking last
time about people should be feeling
down or gloomy cause if you are
why don't you just go and do fun
stuffs then ...

I didn't know what i meant
but that's remotely I could remember
what I wanted to write last time

Jonna if you saw this
could we talk some other time
when you're free, I wanna know
how you're doing

take care
Ray