meeting standards

I've been reading a book titled stop being a nice guy
as funny it might have sounded, there are tons of good
suggestions to me ... because I really do think I am one of
those nice guys who always put what people think of me ahead
of what I really think of myself ... or what I really like myself

which I believe in reality, most people do

it seems also that I tend to seek approval or validations
from other people to confirm my worth as well

and my world and goals of life is not really self-centered either
they all seem to have been constructed in a way to be able
to meet a certain standard type of person

I am forgetting about what I really love and what I really like to do
what I really love to achieve and what I really need

From my childhood, my mom has always been a figure who
try to take control over my sister's and my life
she gives so many opinions and limits to us of what we
can really become and what we really need to do in life

but the fact is she is neither really supportive and concerned
about what we really need and what talents we really do have
she just seems to put us into a spot where general society can
recognize us as a successful person

but the fact by the end of your life, who exactly can really tell
you in the face that you have been successful ?

and wouldn't it be just sad that you have achieved so many goals in life
but none of them is what you really desire

happy

I think those who are happy
are the true winner of life

thoughts

there are just too many thoughts and things happened
I really want to note down for future observations

I've been really different from I used to be I guess
the routine of my life seems to have totally changed
the time I stayed on msn now sometimes even dropped
to 0 mins in one day, I am increasing a lot of time I hang
out with the people I know,talk to them, get to know them
better, go to places and events together etc.

It is a really major shift in my life and I've also reading
books about communication and psychology-related
human relationships. I've been reading a lot .. this
never happens in the last 2 years or even 3

over the holiday, I read 2 books, one is about why
people fail to accomplish what they would love to do
the other one is the autobiography of rodney mullen

there are both so good and interesting
I feel myself a bit like rodney mullen at times
who is always doing their own things and socially
disconnected from other people. considering it is just
a bit waste of time not executing tasks we wanna do
each day. rodney talked about he even wanted to kill
himself while he was in Norway for some reason and
he has implied in many places that he thinkgs himself as
a skateboarding nerd without social skills

I really took some thought into this
I was rethinking about the meaning and value
behind spending time with people and developing
social skills. I do think social skills are important
sometimes very important, you get to know so many
things through people who live in different places, you
share the passion about one thing and values

I've been reading about meeting girls too
cause it just seems to me that most of the people
just meet those people who are around them or
they happen to get to know by chances, even when
they chose their partners and friends

I feel that is really boring way to meet people
if you want to meet someone why can't we just
approach to them and meet them ? I think most
of us don't really have skills to do that and they
let chances pass by, chances to meet people who
they might enjoy so much hanging out with

the reason I think is because people are afraid of
others opinions about themselves, are afraid of
rejections, are afraid of embarrassments etc.

take this concept from Vice magazine
I think it is very interesting, it sounds a bit way
too simple, it is very true though in many ways :

---- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
" there are only kinds of girls in the world
those that " can do " and those that " won't do "
and you should keep having fun with those
who " can do " , those who "won't do " you just
need to keep them out of your life
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

people who wanna have fun with you they ultimately
will have fun with you

it's hard to fully satisfy with the way you are
because you can always improve to the way you want
but we should all the true bright color in ourselves
there are people who can see and value it too



I read only few pages of the books about meeting
girls for now , and not so much of the book about
human communications

I wanna get Tony Hawk's autobiography

最近

我覺得
好像身邊很多人都在混吃等死
被週遭的事物環境帶著一步一步走
我想要有活著的感覺

過去對自己的沒自信
自己一直都很了解
這種沒有自信去追求
自己其實心中真正的聲音

我要更相信自己
因為其實我覺得我還蠻聰明的
我一向自己都知道自己想往哪裡走

life changing

been thinking about how to make my life more
interesting and exciting since Caroline told me its been
annoying ands he doesn't wanna talk anymore

I've been thinking about what's wrong with me
and what differences I could make to my life

I first start talking to the people around me
the friends that I never really share my feelings with
trying to open myself up to people , because I realized
that it was because I never open myself up to people
thats why I need to express my feelings to Caro
all the time ... my stress, my day, my school

it was too much for one person to take on

and I also observed that I share my feelings
more often to the people online rather than
real people around me at school or places

so I started talking more to real people
less internet friends ..................

and then I started seperating my life
more evenly for different things
rather than doing works all the time
I'd spare a hour or two just take a walk
to see friends or even just play guitar or do karate
see new things , look through news on art , music

because I found that I start becoming a really really
boring person when I don't do other things, I have
no story or ideas, news to share with other people
at the same time its making me really bored as well
because nothing new is going on

I observed that a lof ot people choose to live a life
that they know thousands of people and everywhere
they are hanging out with new people each day and
each month, it's pretty amazing

I think there was a while I became like that too
and also when I was traveling , I was extremely happy
I add 3 new people on facebook like each day

it kind of makes me think about relationships you have
with people, sometimes it just really depends on the time
and the places, your living pattern , decide that who you
are close with, it's just hard to force that to happen

and those who you find really special to all the others
those that care about your life , kind of remain
sometimse they just seem to fade away

and some people choose not hang out with same people

I don't know , its all really hard to understand

I guess the person you feel really special to
you'd wanna hold onto them for the rest of your life i guess
sometimes eventually marriage or whatsoever

good night it's been a long day

i think i should really think less about myself but
more for other people sometimes
its more beautiful that way

keeping yourself mature, happy, and positive
is really important
it helps so many things

I am getting so stuck with career, competition and money
I am not what I used to be man
not cool

hard work

we heard about this phrase a lot and over and over
"hard work pays off"

its true and hard work is really rewarding
there's no doubt that its not easy to exert so much
effort into it. you almost feel like giving up and
questioning your original purpose for it

it's just because you haven't reached the top yet
wait and see ; )

what am i like

sometimes i feel like i am trying too hard trying to
be friends with everyone, it feels really hard occasionally
cause you can not be someone who everyone wants to be
friends with, possibly lots of people but not every single person

i don't know i am really trying cause friends are such a
good resource of information, help, etc.
it's amazing to make new friends and
have a lot of friends ............................

maybe i should find a book
abut making friends so it makes
things easier

efficient

went to karate dojo yesterday
i did about 30 mins full on traiing
jumping around and all that

to finish up everything really efficiently
could be kind of a pain because you have
focus so hard and stuff yourself with loads
of contents in a short time

should start thinking
how i can learn faster
and how i can improve faster

caroline

i miss caroline so much
sometimes it is almost unberable : (

i wrote couple of emails to her
but she never really types much

perhaps the only thing i can do now
would be stop thinking about her
and focus on how to move to France

the rest of it will sort themself out i hope

longer prospective

it always seems a bit harder to look at things at longer prospective
for instance, rather than watching porns, it'd be better to work on
social skill and build the buddy up to attract female and fuck a real one ..

i just seems that sacrafices for some pleasures of life
and spend those time on much better things to get
what you really want

what do i really want ?

too much

am i really doing too much
i am spending time working toward
the goal but it seems i have to sacrifice
other goals to get it done....or sacrifice sleep
to gain more time .....

i don't know how to do this man
either doing it very very efficiently
this is hard though, but that's the way
it should go ... let's do that

New Order - 'KRAFTY' from samuel axelsson on Vimeo.

negative

if everything is perceived depending on personal experience
and social ideology .... persoanl developments
modelled surrouding enviroments

then why do we ever take anything seriously ?
and why do we ever take anything negatively ?

that would sound stupid

I am lost

I am lost



that's it

working hard and its not happening again

I've been trying to do lots of reviews
and I slack off quite a bit writing them

you must not do this Ray
as kair has told you before
you gotta be jonny on the spot ..
and gotta stay on top of things ...

though it was just hard for me to
stay focus on something for a long time
except for things I am really really
passionate about, I love moving around

I read about the front man from Dirty Secrets
he said one of the best way to learn is to
meet new people and learn what they
do, man it sounds awesome that was
exactly what I think !

I should set myself on a mission like that
too ! man

and the other thing never will happen again
is not to talk to the person I wanna talk to

FUCK
I HATE THAT FEELING

SO FUCK NO

ok..

it'd always be like this once in a while
where I question where am I aiming to
and where exactly I am ......

fuck I was gonna type something but I
forgot it now, anyway I feel a bit lost now

happiness is only granted to ones who
want to take it, if you stress yourself
all the time over anything.

well happy people do not complain
you like what you doing don't you
so go on and enjoy the most of it

jump and grab it

take care you all

man

piles of stuffs stack over my head
traveling, writing review, training
and just lots of things, i meant ....

yea i keep telling myself its ok ...its ok ...its ok
i will do great i will do great

i requested for writing the review for Ladyhawke
whom I liked a lot, I didn't have much thoughts but
have the enormous aspiration of seeing Ladyhawke
because after last time i saw her like 1 year ago ?
she hasn't played any solo tour around Australia
at all except for the summer festival

so yea ...gotta work hard on this one
and it'd be so cool just chill ...
things will turn out well

been trying to do karate every single fucking
morning, i've been able to keep at it for 3 days
I don't know how long will I keep going for
but ! I'd reckon it's hard at the start, yet as
it gets into you habit, you might even find
it hard to get out of it .... so yea just keep at
it and its definitely beneficial for karate
in general ....

what else is happening .. too much
the travel things is so getting over my
head, fuck man I applied for the mentoring
program, I really fucking hope I'd get the
chance of doing it ... it'd so awesome

and fuck it if everything will be happening around
Jan- Feb cause I won't fucking be in here

cheers take care you all
Ray

8 nov

it seems that all the people who're doing great
all have been sticking to it and working on it
really hard to reach it, am I not letting everything
slip away , perhaps i am

shut up and explore

so why don't you push harder
and stop wasting all the time ?