最近

我覺得
好像身邊很多人都在混吃等死
被週遭的事物環境帶著一步一步走
我想要有活著的感覺

過去對自己的沒自信
自己一直都很了解
這種沒有自信去追求
自己其實心中真正的聲音

我要更相信自己
因為其實我覺得我還蠻聰明的
我一向自己都知道自己想往哪裡走

life changing

been thinking about how to make my life more
interesting and exciting since Caroline told me its been
annoying ands he doesn't wanna talk anymore

I've been thinking about what's wrong with me
and what differences I could make to my life

I first start talking to the people around me
the friends that I never really share my feelings with
trying to open myself up to people , because I realized
that it was because I never open myself up to people
thats why I need to express my feelings to Caro
all the time ... my stress, my day, my school

it was too much for one person to take on

and I also observed that I share my feelings
more often to the people online rather than
real people around me at school or places

so I started talking more to real people
less internet friends ..................

and then I started seperating my life
more evenly for different things
rather than doing works all the time
I'd spare a hour or two just take a walk
to see friends or even just play guitar or do karate
see new things , look through news on art , music

because I found that I start becoming a really really
boring person when I don't do other things, I have
no story or ideas, news to share with other people
at the same time its making me really bored as well
because nothing new is going on

I observed that a lof ot people choose to live a life
that they know thousands of people and everywhere
they are hanging out with new people each day and
each month, it's pretty amazing

I think there was a while I became like that too
and also when I was traveling , I was extremely happy
I add 3 new people on facebook like each day

it kind of makes me think about relationships you have
with people, sometimes it just really depends on the time
and the places, your living pattern , decide that who you
are close with, it's just hard to force that to happen

and those who you find really special to all the others
those that care about your life , kind of remain
sometimse they just seem to fade away

and some people choose not hang out with same people

I don't know , its all really hard to understand

I guess the person you feel really special to
you'd wanna hold onto them for the rest of your life i guess
sometimes eventually marriage or whatsoever

good night it's been a long day

i think i should really think less about myself but
more for other people sometimes
its more beautiful that way

keeping yourself mature, happy, and positive
is really important
it helps so many things

I am getting so stuck with career, competition and money
I am not what I used to be man
not cool

hard work

we heard about this phrase a lot and over and over
"hard work pays off"

its true and hard work is really rewarding
there's no doubt that its not easy to exert so much
effort into it. you almost feel like giving up and
questioning your original purpose for it

it's just because you haven't reached the top yet
wait and see ; )

what am i like

sometimes i feel like i am trying too hard trying to
be friends with everyone, it feels really hard occasionally
cause you can not be someone who everyone wants to be
friends with, possibly lots of people but not every single person

i don't know i am really trying cause friends are such a
good resource of information, help, etc.
it's amazing to make new friends and
have a lot of friends ............................

maybe i should find a book
abut making friends so it makes
things easier

efficient

went to karate dojo yesterday
i did about 30 mins full on traiing
jumping around and all that

to finish up everything really efficiently
could be kind of a pain because you have
focus so hard and stuff yourself with loads
of contents in a short time

should start thinking
how i can learn faster
and how i can improve faster

caroline

i miss caroline so much
sometimes it is almost unberable : (

i wrote couple of emails to her
but she never really types much

perhaps the only thing i can do now
would be stop thinking about her
and focus on how to move to France

the rest of it will sort themself out i hope